Paris Hilton Needs You

The media icon has a lot of wishes she’d like you to fulfill. So does Bob.

This week comes the 11th birthday of my twin grandsons. I never offer identifying information about family, so let us call them Khartoum and Feldspar, the little devils!

With birthdays come gifts, and the perennial question: Whatever would they want?

That is, the formerly perennial question. The modern perennial question is: “Damnit, what did I do with the links to their Wish Lists?” This morning, after some significant sleuthing, I managed to follow the digital breadcrumbs to locate their outermost desires. I’m sure little Feldspar will be delighted with his block fleece garment and juvenile comic novel, and Khartoum with his gray fleece garment and illustrated time map of the universe.

I’m sure because they chose those items themselves. This will mean an unwrapping thin on squeals of surprise, but a reasonable certainty of no: “Ugh, another Magic 8 Ball?”

So that’s out of the way. Now I have to deal with Paris and Carter. As you know, Ms. Hilton and Mr. Reum married on the 11th to commence a lifetime of wedded bliss. The ceremony and 3-day party were an understated and intensely private affair, of which little was known in advance except for what hints you could divine from their Peacock wedding-planning documentary Paris in Love. “Hey, bitches,” the introverted star says on camera, “look who’s getting married!”

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