Bed, Bath & Bewildered

Bob finds himself a strange visitor to a strange land — that land being the outside world. It is a constant struggle.

THE craziest thing happened to me the other day. I got a letter!

In the mail! Quite the event in the Garfield household. “Well, well, well!” I said to myself. “Paper correspondence! I shall ignite the oil lamp and scrutinize this missive!”

No, really. I just stared at the envelope. It had a colorful little picture of the American flag in the upper righthand corner, above our inspiring national motto: “Forever USA.” But not so much as a return address to offer a clue about the sender. So I clicked on it.

Ha ha ha, just joshing. I carefully slid my thumb under the flap to see what mysterious treasure the folded curiosity would disgorge. A bequest from a long-forgotten relative? A passionate declaration from a secret admirer quaintly confessing her ardor? It was just so exciting. I lovingly extracted the precious contents and frankly couldn't believe what I was reading:

This post is for paid subscribers