An Open Letter to Nicki Minaj's Cousin's Friend's Balls

You are now the most famous testicles on the planet. How will you use your influence?

Dear Nicki Minaj’s Cousin’s Friend’s Balls:

Was sorry to learn that you are all swole up, etc. I know how you feel; I’ve been there. Sometimes with my arthritis I look like one of those balloons in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Especially Popeye. (Not SpongeBob, though. That seems to be more of a cyst situation.)

I learned of your plight through a tweet from your owner’s friend’s cousin, Nicki.

Pray on it? Dudes, I Googled it. You have:

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